I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
