I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize