New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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