I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize