She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
