The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
