don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
