No subtext here. People are naked.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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