I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
