I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
