Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
