when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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