i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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