as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just had sex on a roof
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
