Im at strip club and am horny
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
