if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
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