We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
