I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
