the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
