It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
