I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
