I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize