everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
