I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
