Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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