that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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