just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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