Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
