Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
