You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
