I hope mine doesn't look like that
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
