Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
