FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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