so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
