i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
