this just has baby written all over it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
