The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
