Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
