Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
