I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
