I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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