Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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