Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize