Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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