dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
