Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
