Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
