i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
