just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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