no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
