And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize