You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize