is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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