We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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