There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
