My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
