took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
