i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
