Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
