shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
