i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize