hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
