I wish I could punch you in the face.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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