why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
