True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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