yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
