After last night, I could never be a politician.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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