i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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