I hate all girls vehemently.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
