remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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