I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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