I'm so fucking centered right now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
