i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
