You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
