do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
