Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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