I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
