then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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