Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
