I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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