haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
