Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
It's Friday. Sex?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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