this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
