Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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